You’re going to SHIT YOUR FACE IN HALF when you hear this one! Reverand [sic] peas [sic] didn’t show up to this episode, probably because it’s Labor Day and he got too shit-housed to do the show — BUT THAT’S OKAY, because Doktor Cosmac, the Cheap Engineer of Hypercube Labs, joins Faux & Fidd for the entire show and officiates this week’s “Is It a Band” with guest contestant, Cat Feather! Fidd teaches the kids what NOT to do by emptying the contents of a road flare onto a paper plate and snorting it…again. Doktor Faux reminds you what that really funny joke was that you thought of that one time, but forgot. Elon Musk calls in to admit that he’s an unused Hideo Kojima villain who escaped into the real world.
This one is ROUGH. Fidd and Faux are in a post-peas-problem state and struggle to rally for the show. Fortunately, Langford the Lungist calls in to explain why vaping M&Ms is better for you than smoking them. In addition to the Kenny Floyd award, Peas earns a platinum XBox achievement for stepping on 100% of Fidd’s jokes. Dok Cosmac jumps into the HyperCOMM to officiate our new game: “Is It A Band”. Scalpod gets jealous and accuses Cosmac of being a douchejockey. HMFIC of FTR, Dr Ellis, unveils the new Fidd Chewley fashion action playset. Overall, this one SUCKS! Enjoy.
You are going to SHIT YOUR FACE IN HALF when you hear this episode! Ready to make the most exciting two-hour mistake of your life? If so, don’t miss a single syllable! In addition to answering viewer mail, turning blind eyes toward ISIS, and playing “Is It a Band”, Sean Connery calls in to talk about how to pay for whores with Bitcoin. It doesn’t take a psychic meteorologist to tell you why a basketball won’t fit in your ass, so why would you trust one to interpret the crop circles in your pubes?? YOU WOULDN’T!! That’s why we do what we do.
You are going to SHIT YOUR FACE when you hear this episode. This week’s magic phrase is “Nariff Nariff Barungaroo”. Doktor/Engineer/Doktor Faux is running the show from Hypercube HQ all by his lonesome while Fidd Chewley calls in from Tampa and Reverand [sic] peas [sic] calls in from his desert hidey-hole. The hosts attempt to play a new game, “That’s Racist”, but peas has to be a crybaby about the rules, so the game is abandoned in favor of the tried-and-true game, “Is It a Band”. The militantism of tennis ball-boys and executive chefs is explained. Fidd Chewley wins the Kenny Floyd Memorial Award for most drunken podcruster. The entire second hour of the show is spent speculating on what kind of dress what’s-her-tits is going to wear to the royal wedding.
This episode is sponsored by Flo-tato: the official life-preserver of the sovereign nation of Ireland. You are going to SHIT YOUR OWN FACE when you hear this episode. Elon Musk calls in to tell us why he’ll never call in to our show. Things may not be going ideally for you, but at least your nipples don’t look like pieces of half-chewed gum. Inspector Gadget is revealed to be a go-go-gadget racist! Reverend Scalpod returns to officiate this week’s round of “Is It a Band?”. Fidd and peas have a rare moment of mutual appreciation of each other’s choices for this week’s Blind Eye segment. Dok Faux basically shakes his head and reevaluates his life LIVE ON THE AIR. The militantism of tennis ballboys is revealed to be the future of the United States of Florida.
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In this episode, Fidd Chewley once again intentionally gets caught by “To Catch a Predator” in his ongoing investigation, “To Catch a Predator Catcher”, and you’ll NEVER BELIEVE the AGGRESSIVELY PREDICTABLE CONCLUSION!! Professional Hopscotch referee, Doktor Cosmac, joins the show halfway through to satisfy government-mandated psychological diversity requirements. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] delivers an overly-long, underly-cautious PSA. Fidd delivers a PSA of his own: if you don’t do drugs, then drugs will do YOU. Doktor Faux doesn’t understand either PSA and demands to be mansplained to. Peas defends his championship in our new game, “Is It a Band”. We hereby apologize to our sponsors for forgetting to mention them during the show AGAIN: Adderall PM, Johnson & Johnson Human Growth Hormone, and the Make-a-Wish Foundation (please don’t tell them I’m not terminally ill).
HOLY SHIT, EVERYONE — IT’S TIME FOR THAT THING THEY CALL A “SHOW”! It’s Doktor/Engineer/Doktor Faux, Reverand [sic] peas [sic], and Fidd Chewley this week in their endless campaign to preserve endangered jokes from extinction! If we don’t tell these jokes, the WHO WILL?! We play our new game, “Is It a Band”. Dok Faux drops a MOAB on peas’s invented religion by showing that it was already invented. Fidd explains why bagpipe players get all the pus*y. The esoteric procedure & methodology of stirring hot dog food is expounded and elaborated upon. Faux’s other gallbladder is a Mercedes. Fidd resolves a long-standing philosophical impasse by explaining that bad things ONLY happen to good people because they’re good things when they happen to bad people. The benefits of faking cardiac arrest in front of your dog are explored. Now that you’ve read this entire episode description, you are no longer required to listen to the episode. Please delete it now.
It’s our first episode since the Fourth of July, the date recognized the world over as the anniversary of the date Lord Donald Trump attained Constitutional Buddhahood. This week: Every other country should give up their retarded language and speak English. Doktor Faux makes the “Call of Duty” argument for patriotism, citing America’s sweet K/D ratio. Stolen Valor is a felony, but Fidd Chewley knows a guy who sublets him some valor under-the-table, so it’s all good. Reverand [sic] peas [sic] is doing the show EFFED-THE-EFF-UP from mixing rum with the meds he’s taking for dem Shingles, and Fidd pre-emptively gives him the Kenny Floyd Award. NEW GAME: “Is It a Band?” We try to play it. It “works”. By the end of the show, peas does a good job apologizing for everything except the fact that the Blind Eye segment never completely got off the ground, but that’s not bad for a guy who is, as I said earlier, EFFED-THE-EFF-UP on Shingles meds and rum.
It’s the EPISODE #25 CELEBRATION SPECTACULAR! Season 1 of this show is aiming to be one million episodes long, so we’re celebrating the fact that we only have 999,975 episodes left in this season! Our FORMER co-host, Reverand peas [sic], wanted to be a guest on his own show so badly that he QUIT HIS SHOW just so he could come back as a guest on it– and he did! Topics NOT covered in this episode: the 2017 Serbian presidential election, the reconciliation of Judeo-Christianity with The Church of Non-Gustatory Hydrostatism, cherry-flavored toilet paper, the over-use of hy-phens, and how to properly determine the gender of a Klein bottle (don’t assume my topology.